Last Call Ho


Picture this familiar scenerio: It’s around 11 p.m. at your favourite pub or nightclub. Things are just getting warmed up. The lights are dubiously dim and, in the air is fresh with the hybrid scent of beer and bad men’s cologne.

Groups of guys are standing covertly by pool tables or the bar, eyeing the ladies, and honing in on who they want to take home that night.

Ladies are just getting their first Coronas or martinis of the night; giggling with their friends and swaying their hips to the beats, but too timid to step onto the bare dance floor. The vibe is almost that of a high school dance.

Flash forward to 3a.m.: Music is pumping and the dance floor is packed – dancing superstars and two left feet types side-by-side. Stumbling drunk, several couples are grinding sloppily, occasionally stopping mid-song to suck face. A few guys are chatting up the ladies of their choice, hands protectively placed around their chairs. All body language indicates that these guys are going to at least get phone numbers tonight; if not maybe a good night kiss or more.

But, then there is a whole other species lurking in the dimly lit bar: the kind that flutters from from girl to girl like a hummingbird searching for nectar. Unlike the hummingbird, these quick-talkers won’t be getting anything sweet tonight. We call these specimens the “Last Call Ho.” They are the ones who, as the “Ugly Lights” are coming on, are still ramping up their game.

These are the bar’s finest specimen; those who think they still might have a chance at snagging a really drunk girl for some after-bar action. “Hey, you’re beautiful,” they may whisper as she walks by. Or, they may just whistle or hiss instead.

The Last Call Ho has an important role to play in the bar hierarchy.  For the most part he makes all the other guys look good and helps them score without even knowing it. But don’t completely disregard him.  It is, after all, a numbers game, and if he flirts with enough girls, he may just get lucky. Just pray that you don’t become the prey of your very own Last Call Ho.

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